"I have heard a tale of horror"

Eh.... Not really.

Okay, Matilda, I did forget you. And I remember why I didn't finish this novel. Because after the horrors of the castle, it gets boring.

After the whole Gossip Gothic thing they go to England and the Marquis settles it with Uncle/Not-Uncle Weimar that Matilda has a year to find her parents before he can carry her away. And everyone settles down to happiness and so forth.

The Countess Wolfenbach managed to escape being kidnapped (like Joseph because a fortuitous carriage of nobles just happen to be randomly travelling through this out of the way woodland and just happens to see her and stop. It's amazing how many nobles go through this place.

And the Countess manages to find Matilda and company in England and they all settle down to "the delights of love and friendship, in little excursions round the neighborhood, and in viewing the delightful prospects the Surrey hills afforded them. 

We finally learn the Countess's story. She was forced to marry Count Wolfenbach but her heart loved another man, a poor chevalier. 

What is with their arm movements here?

He did ask her father for her hand in marriage, but he didn't have the title, the position, or the money. So she was forced to marry the evil count. He's the jealous sort and takes her off to the secluded country. But the chevalier won't give up and finds her. He slips a note through her window and she rebukes him, tears it up and tells him to go away.

But he won't. The Count discovers him, refuses to believe that she wasn't a part of it. Violence ensues and the Chevalier is murdered.

The Count takes the Countess's baby (oh, yeah, she was pregnant) and locks her away in Castle Wolfenbach with two attendants (Joseph and the woman murdered in the kidnapping). He says if she tries to escape or tells anyone anything that he will harm the child, so she swears, "taking a solemn oath, with the sacrament, that without [the Count's] permission [she] will never reveal" the murder or mention the Chevalier or contradict the Count's report that she is dead. Because, the Count says, "I prefer revenge to my own quiet; because I will be feared, and make your destiny hand on my pleasure." To keep the child safe, she agrees.

Dammit, now I will have that song stuck in my head all day.

Then Matilda shows up, the Count hears word of it, assumes the Countess broke her oath, and hence the kidnapping, etc. Which get's us to where we were in England all happy and having fun.

Aaaaand this has now lost all gothic and horridness. 

It is among the novels Isabella recommends to Catherine in Northanger Abbey. Catherine even asks, "but are they all horrid, are you sure they are all horrid?" Isabella assures her they are. 

Ah well. Not Isabella's worst crime as a friend and we'll hope the other recommendations are better. Anything called Necromancer of the Black Forest does have to be truly horrid, doesn't it?

I digress. To further the plot Parson's needs Matilda to get away from all the fun and protection in England. So Matilda decides that she is miserable.

She goes off to a convent in France and now out of the Marquis's protection, Uncle Weimar breaks the year long restraining order that was in effect in England and spirits her away. Because who didn't see that one coming?

The Countess's problems are all solved when Count Wolfenbach suddenly gets ill and on the verge of dying is gripped with remorse and confesses everything.

He explains he was a man obsessed with her and full of jealousy and love and that is why he made her life a hell and murdered people. He asks her forgiveness. She forgives him and he dies, telling her what happened to the child.

Meanwhile Uncle Weimar takes her across the sea, where they are beset by pirates. He tries to kill her and then himself as the ship is boarded (can't blame him, pirates were not good and what they were going to do to people captured was going to be horrific). But he fails and it turns out the pirates who have captured them just so happen to be good pirates, who impressed by Matilda's countenance, decide to help her.

Uncle Weimar, believing he is dying from the wound he gave himself as they were being boarded, then is filled with remorse and confesses everything. Because, hey, why not use it twice in one book? (Turns out she was absolutely right about what he meant by going into her room at night and making himself "happy.") He begs forgiveness. Matilda forgives him everything. (Honestly, by the end Matilda and Co. were so virtuous that I hated them.)

Incidentally, Uncle Weimar doesn't die, but still filled with remorse goes to become a monk. Turns out that Matilda comes from Italian nobility and is therefore able to return to her friends. She meets her mother. The Countess meets her son. Various people get happily coupled off and married. Everyone faints a lot.

It's too bad. It started out so well, with every proper cliche and a lot of fun. Then it lamed out like a Stephen King novel.

But for the next book, I am straying from Isabella Thorpe's recommendations and reading what is considered to be one of the most frightful and atmospheric books of all time.

Fainting fit count: 18

"'Well,' said he, 'this is unexpected, but not wholly unwelcome.'"

Done. Though it took me a bit longer than expected with the real life stuff.  I know who the murderer is, what all the Terrible Secrets are, and that I like Ebenezer Gryce.

Especially how he has a tendency to not actually look at anyone and therefore emotes to buttons, doorknobs, and random flies.

But he's really paying full attention and missing nothing.

He's a quiet character, not given to the dramatics and opium habits of Sherlock Holmes, which might be why Gryce is forgotten, but he is entirely up to the trickery. I am hoping the gentleman narrator is not the narrator for all the Gryce books. In fact I hope the gentleman narrator never shows up again.

But, when I think about it, part of the fun was watching Gryce out think and continually shock and annoy the narrator.

So maybe he wasn't so bad...

Maybe if it was in third person the narrator--who wouldn't be the narrator then and I would be forced to remember his name--wouldn't have annoyed me so much. But honestly, there may be some good points to chivalry being dead.

                                                 ...................Or maybe not.

"the retrospect of all the dangers and misfortunes they had each encountered"

That sad feeling when you've finished the book.

I spent all day reading, to the point where all I've had to eat is an ENTIRE BOX of girl scout cookies and some popcorn. I know who lives, who dies, who gets married, and who is whose child. I know that the heroine fainted 14 times throughout the novel (and that half). I know what is behind the black veil. I enjoyed this book so so much.

Sorry, Pooh, we can't. We have more books to read.

And I'll leave you with the last line of the book, because it is awesome.
"And, if the weak hand, that has recorded this tale, has, by its scenes, beguiled the mourner of one hour of sorrow, or, by its moral, taught him to sustain it--the effort, however humble, has not been in vain, nor is the writer unrewarded."

THE END