Random side note on insults

Found a Shakespeare's Insult Generator. I mean, the Bard was incredible at insults. You cannot go wrong.

Don't expect too much of the generator though. Nothing on there will get you up to the Marchioness's witty put down standards.

"she turns out to be an imposter, and a shocking creature"

ELIZA PARSONS YOU ARE DOING IT ALL WRONG AGAIN!!!!!!!

MUST I EXPLAIN ABOUT THE LOVE THING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN?

But more on this in a bit.

Things start coming fast and furious and a lot is happening and there is an emotional roller coaster. In the next few posts the fainting fit count trebles. Prepare for all the emotions.

And there will be a lot of hearkening back to previous things in the next few posts, but I'll put in links for the previous posts and also put the relevant bits in so you don't need to go hunting for it all.

We stop for a bit to spend a lot of time where a bunch of French nobles talk about how England is so much superior to France in so many ways, which is so utterly ridiculous I did a post on that the first time.

The good Count De Bouville does indeed like Matilda and she likes him back. But neither of them seem to recognize this or why this is. Matilda just decides to dress up for a thing she knows the count will be at and "for the first time in her life, took some pains with her dress, and felt an anxiety about her appearance." And she has no idea why. "Unconscious of her motives, she attributed them solely to a desire of pleasing the Marchioness."

Right. Sure. Ummmm.

The good count is just as clueless, "he scarcely knew the nature of the sentiments he entertained for Matilda."

Parsons, really? You can't have the lovers be ambivalent to each other at first!! That's not how this works. You finally add in a man who isn't either married or creepy, hint attraction, and then they go about being sensible about it! Wrong! They need to fall in love! Immediately! Right now!

 But at least he good count does favor Matilda enough to make the mean girl from the assembly So after the assembly, where everyone loves everyone (except one old "coquet" who is too into flirting with men, and her niece, an 18th century mean girl, who has also taken up the habit. She's determined to gain the affection of Adelaide's brother, the Count De Bouville--foreshadowing, bet he falls for Matilda and she gets shit from that woman--oh wait. I've already read the book once... Anyway Parsons calls the old aunt of the mean girl a "ridiculous old woman.")who had designs on him really jealous. Jealous enough to cause trouble.

So the mean girl (Mme De Fontelle, by the way) lets slip a bit of information to Matilda. "I forgot to ask if you have a relation of your name now in Paris?" Matilda, of course blanches at this information, and trembles, and everyone notices this. Mme De Fontelle strikes harder, "Bless me! Has my question disordered you; I only asked because I was in the company yesterday with a gentleman of your name, just arrived from Germany."

Matilda faints.

So the evil uncle has come back and told De Fontelle everything, in the worst light ever, and De Fontelle loves it. "She's run away from his house with a servant, and jointly robbed him of his property, and now has contrived to impose herself upon the Marchioness for a different person."

And so does everyone else in town. The Marchioness goes out to find out how far it has spread and "to her great mortification she was told of it everywhere, some condoled with her on being so greatly imposed upon, others affected to resent such a creature should have the assurance to get herself introduced into company, but all agreed, 'They saw what she was, nothing but a little pretender, who was a stranger to good breading; no body was deceived but the Marchioness, for every one could see art and duplicity in her face.'"

A complete turn around from their opinion when on "the preceding evening [Matilda] was the most delightful, most engaging, most elegant girl in the world."

Don't worry. The Marchioness comes from a time when insults had class.

These days, someone known for their insults says "fuck" a lot and things like this:

The Marchioness, oh no. It's going down.

The Marchioness congratulated the ladies on their ingenuity, in finding every virtue and every vice, every charm and deformity in the same person, within the space of eight and forty hours. Their candour and good nature was highly commendable and the compliments they paid her judgment were certainly very flattering.

 Now that's using some wit and irony in a put down.

Fainting Fit Count: 3

"They are very fine drawings, Sir, but I think the subjects of them are exceptionable"

I love the language they use. So lovely. So ladylike. When shown obscene drawings our heroine says the line in the title. In modern parlance we'd say something more like...

Getting ahead of myself. Last we saw Mathilda had decided the rest of the household were senile and she was going to go find out what was haunting the castle, trusting that she is so virtuous that evil could not harm her (in which case, why did she need to run away from..... Getting ahead of myself again.)

She does find what is haunting the castle, which is actually a hidden lady and her elderly serving woman. And since Parsons can't be mysterious and withhold the names of both ladies without it getting really confusing, this is when we actually learn Mathilda's name is Mathilda, so the other lady can just be "the lady." Because apparently no one actually tells their name when introducing themselves....

Anyway, Mathilda becomes immediately great friends with lady, sharing everything (except for a name) kindred spirit, Anne Shirley and Diana Barry style.

And Mathilda tells her tragic story, which because it is a gothic, involves her much older male guardian--in this case her uncle-- developing a "love" for her. And since Mathilda is a very young woman, and in his care, when he was "for ever seeking opportunities to caress" her, she "scarce knew how to repulse" him.

Ew.

But she finally decides she will run away after overhearing her uncle planning with his devoted maid.

where they plan that he should "not longer stand upon ceremony" with Mathilda, and instead go "into her room at night when she's asleep," and "be happy." (See what I mean? And we thought the government was good at euphemisms. And I repeat, Ew.)

So instead she packs her box, carries it down downstairs, and runs away with the help of Albert, who goes with her. They travel a bit. They intended to live with his sister, but when they show up, "this sister, on whose protection I relied, had been dead three weeks."  Poor Mathilda. She goes on to say that her "fellow traveller [Albert] was more affected" than herself. Hard to believe that a man learning his sister died would be more affected than our heroine, but he was.

Since their plan fell through, and Mathilda's money was running out, she and Albert were heading for Zurich which Albert tells her is a good city and that "some way or other, doubtless, [she] might procure a living by [her] talents." (Clearly she is an innocent, because what exactly is a 16 year-old pretty girl who grew up secluded from everything by a creepy uncle going to be able to do to earn a living?

But fortunately for Mathilda's virtue and the sake of this story, they don't make it to Zurich, and instead end up in a storm, in a woods, at night, and she ends up in this not-really-haunted castle with her mysterious lady new BFF.

At which point, before the mysterious lady can tell Mathilda anything about herself, Mathilda decides she's been away from the old people for too long and needs to go back to them so they don't worry. Which Parsons probably did just to try to draw out the mystery, but sort of makes Mathilda look a bit like an ass. I mean, she comes in, she doesn't bother to learn the lady's name, she talks all about herself and then says she needs to leave.

She must mean it in the sweetest, bestest ways, because she's a heroine. And of course old Albert was thinking she could do sewing or something when he suggested that they go to Zurich where she could earn a living on her talents. Yep. Nothing creepy there at all. Or maybe Albert had other plans in mind once they hit Zurich...