Woman In White--Wilkie Collins

Written a bit after Catherine's time, it's not a Gothic novel but the progeny of the Gothic, the Sensation Novel. But those are distinctions that historians and such make, and while interesting to know, completely overlooks the fact that it is indeed HORRID and a lot of fun to read. I think Catherine would approve.


So since you were not here, Dear Reader (is it okay if I call you Dear Reader? It's a bit affected, I know. But it is great fun to go on with something like the language of the novels. So Dear Reader you are),  while I was reading The Woman In White I will give you some excerpts of conversations with friends, who largely had no idea what I was talking of. This is not a specific conversation with a specific friend, but a conglomeration of conversations with different people held over several days as I was reading the novel.


Conversation 1:
ME: OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!! (--aside, get used to me saying this, Dear Reader. It will come up often.)

FRIEND: What's wrong? Are you okay?

ME: No! Marian is separating Laura from Walter so Laura can marry Sir Glyde and you know he's evil. And why is Walter in love with Laura anyway? I mean, I know he describes Marian as ugly, but still, she's the one who is clever and has sense. Instead they always go for dumb, fair, and pretty.

FRIEND: What are you talking about?

ME: Wilkie Collins. The Woman In White.

FRIEND: Who?

Conversation 2:
ME: OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!!

FRIEND: What's wrong? Is this that book you were reading again?

ME: Yes! I can't put it down. I want to beat Sir Percival Glyde to a pulp. He's going to kill Laura, I know it and they are setting up Count Fosco to be evil, but right now he's helping Laura and keeping Glyde from bullying her, but something is just not right.

FRIEND: Will you order lunch already? The lady at the counter is getting annoyed.

Conversation 3:
ME: OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!!

FRIEND: Let me guess. Sir Peony did something or other and Count Fatso did the other thing and poor Laura is now locked away and other things happened.

ME:  No! They killed Laura! Those assholes!

FRIEND: (with a long suffering sigh) Well. Sometimes people are assholes.

Conversation 4:
ME: OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!!

FRIEND: (who was obviously trying to avoid me and now sighs because I have spotted him and he can't get away) What?

ME: You will never guess what happened!

FRIEND: Just finish the book already and don't talk to me until then.

Conversation 5:
ME: OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!!

FRIEND: Go away. I don't know you, you crazy woman.
____________

So you see why I need people to discuss these books with if I am to retain any friends at all. I need people who will understand my passions and my loves and who have felt the chills run up and down their spines as they turn the page (or click the forward button), desperate to read more.